WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
