no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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