I'm laying in your front yard are you home
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
