So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
