I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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