Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
