I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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