I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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