Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
