He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
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