she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
