When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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