I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
bring money and cleavage
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
