I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
