I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
