you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
