ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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