He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
