It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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