I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
