sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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