I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
