I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
