took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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