Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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