The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
