Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
