Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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