Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
