Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
