Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
