I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
