my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
