Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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