He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Randomize
