It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
