Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
