It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Success! We fucked roommates!
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