It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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