I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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