I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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