hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
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