The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
