that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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