I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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