did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
this boner is exhausting
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
