I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
BRING THE BAGELS
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
