JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
