and my herpes radar will keep us safe
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
