In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
